Exclusive: Mourinho and Wenger agree to pissing contest

In a bid to settle their long term disagreements over just who is superior, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho and Arsenal top dog Arsene Wenger have agreed to a pissing contest.

Yes folks Wenger’s thirst for those Abramovic rubles and, desperate for admiration, Mourinho’s craving for that aura of respect the Wenger has, has descended into two wealthy men at the top of their professions having a good old cat fight.

To stop the two men from generating ever more worthless news they have decided to slap their cocks on the table and settle who’s got the biggest one, once and for all. Winner is deemed the superior being, coaches will return to their coaching and we can all get back to watching football again.

The hoards of reporters which were eager to cover the meaningless babble have also agreed to be present for the great unveiling.

Betandwin.com has begun posting odds on the winner, but, in an exclusive quote from an inside source, Football Commentator has the inside line:

“While both men indulging in this means they both clearly have small appendages, it’s probably going to be Mourinho by a pubic hair” –Unnamed insider